Statistics Gifts

Hour of rising vs worm acquisition.

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'People who can read Venn diagrams...'

"It doesn't matter what you like - according to the demographics, this is the car for you."

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

"That's what I want to say. See if you can find some statistics to prove it."

"Any questions?"

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

"Well, the census results are out, but a footnote says that the sheep count is probably inaccurate as the auditors often found themselves getting drowsy..."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'How close to the truth do you want to come, sir?'

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

'How do you want it - the crystal mumbo jumbo or the statistical probability?'

SURVEYS-R-US: "87% of the 56% who completed more than 23% of the survey thought it was a waste of time."

'But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring.'

"I can give you a 93.4% assurance that there is less than a 65.6% possibility that this excercise will simply generate 34.8% more meaningless statistics."

'Having conducted a comprehensive analysis of dozens of subsets of data from a wide range of sources we've confirmed that the likely answer is 36...now we just need to identify the question.'

Man confusing man using statistics.

'Now look at this. This is interesting!'

Statistics: "Here's the sales graph...which way around would you like it?"

'But then again...we could be wrong.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

Room for Error

'How are those revised projections coming along?'

'We'll only do 72% of it, since it's been reported that 28% of surgery is unnecessary.'

'85% recover with no complications, 60% of the remaining 15% will have a slower recovery rate, and the remaining 40% of the 15% may need additional treatment.'

'In these estimates, I've tried, like always, to err on the side of total lunacy.'

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'What's this, Dawkins?another of you 'visual metaphors'?'

"The danger with studying anything this closely is that you lose sight of the context."

'Does that mean 1 in 5 people actually enjoy it. . .?'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."