Statistical Marvel Gifts

"A preliminary census report indicates that for the first time in our nation's history female anthropologists out-number male professional golfers."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

Math Camp. I should have read the brochure more carefully before I signed up -- It says "Go on an add-venture and have sum fun"!

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

'Our crime figures are down!'

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

Bank Robbery Statistics

Hares looking at Euclid

'Very impressive, Newcombe. Over at Liberal Arts we still have trouble with the multiplication table.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

Magician creates magic square

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

The Miracle Worker

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

"42 is not the answer to everything, Adams!"

"You forgot to carry the one."

"According to this article 98% of the statistics you read in the newspaper are inaccurate."

'There is indeed a strong correlation between the arrival of white men and the decrease in buffalo population...'

"Study after study shows that more and more people are participating in studies."

'The reminds me. Place your orders for the lunchtime pizza.'

"You'll be pleased to know you're making good progress - you've just become a statistic."