Static Appreciator T-Shirts

"...Looks like nothing but snow on TV tonight..."

"Has anyone turned in a chicken?"

"I speak Latin, you know."

"My kid could do that."

Cat with Crown.

'You'll like this, sir. Instead of the usual boring bio, this year I've done your creation myth.'

Mathematician on the couch.

"The magic's still there, but the sex is terrible."

'You can be replaced by Harry Potter, you know!'

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

"Recently, Ludwig Mizzledorp came up with some startling discoveries in particle physics. I'd like to sing for you some of his equations."

'To enable them to provide the service we require the procurement team have submitted a request for seven wands, a crystal ball and a time machine...'

"Enjoy your youth. Soon you'll be an old cynic like me with nothing worth barking at."

Perpetual Motion.

"I don't know a damn thing about art, but my back hasn't felt this good in years."

'No, but next week, the fireworks start in earnest.'

'This is the last time I go golfing with a lumberjack.'

'You did ask for the wine steward - now grovel, man, grovel!'

"...and this is my better half...!"

'It's for Pookie.'

"Don't adjust the set dear, it's a documentary about stalactites."

"With all that tinkering do you really save time?"

"Of course I won. I was already a winner. I didn't even have to run the race."

Abstract Expressionism: You'll hate at least one.

"Obviously we'd have loved to help, but there were so MANY other calls on the public purse!"

Walter decided to tune a piano because he didn't know how to tune a fish

Bank Front

"I understand that curiosity is a good thing in non-cats."

As it were

"I think you have something to say, all right, but I don't think you're saying it."