Static Appreciator Gifts

"...Looks like nothing but snow on TV tonight..."

"Amazon's new A.I. just 'gets' me."

"Has anyone turned in a chicken?"

"I speak Latin, you know."

"My kid could do that."

Cat with Crown.

'You'll like this, sir. Instead of the usual boring bio, this year I've done your creation myth.'

I spy with my little eye in the sky …

Mathematician on the couch.

"The magic's still there, but the sex is terrible."

'You can be replaced by Harry Potter, you know!'

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

"Recently, Ludwig Mizzledorp came up with some startling discoveries in particle physics. I'd like to sing for you some of his equations."

'To enable them to provide the service we require the procurement team have submitted a request for seven wands, a crystal ball and a time machine...'

'No, but next week, the fireworks start in earnest.'

"Enjoy your youth. Soon you'll be an old cynic like me with nothing worth barking at."

Perpetual Motion.

"I don't know a damn thing about art, but my back hasn't felt this good in years."

'It's for Pookie.'

'This is the last time I go golfing with a lumberjack.'

'You did ask for the wine steward - now grovel, man, grovel!'

"...and this is my better half...!"

"Don't adjust the set dear, it's a documentary about stalactites."

Narcissus said his biggest regret is missing out on the selfie era!

"His parents were pretty open-minded, romantically speaking."

"With all that tinkering do you really save time?"

It says he studied at the feet of the masters. Art Guide.

"Obviously we'd have loved to help, but there were so MANY other calls on the public purse!"

"Of course I won. I was already a winner. I didn't even have to run the race."

Abstract Expressionism: You'll hate at least one.

Walter decided to tune a piano because he didn't know how to tune a fish

Bank Front

"I understand that curiosity is a good thing in non-cats."

As it were

What technique! What control! I don't get it. Work in progress.