Starting Speech Therapy Pillows

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'Look, you can only do so much!'

Licensed Therapist

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"Postwar is hell."

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Dialogue

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

Window Treatment

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"I just never 'think I can' anymore."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"Remember, the road to recovery begins with baby steps."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

"A haand gel...!?"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

'Those fish-oil treatments doing your arthritis any good?'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

Dyslexia is no longer a disorder...

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

"Hon, do you think it's time you took a break from the light therapy lamp?"

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."