Starting A New Law Practice Pillows

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

'Where's my glove?'

Separation

"Are you sure you're not holding your breath?"

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

'You have the contract drafted by the lawyer. This is his bill for it.'

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

Dentist Training School.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

"That's right, think of yourself all the time! I'm the one who will be losing a client for the next twenty years."

'Virus?' - 'Yes, it's a Latin word we doctors use, meaning I haven't got a clue..'

Hanging out your shingle

'Must you be so judgemental?'

"Objection, your honor! Prosecution is playing the blame game!"

"Sick? You're not sick! The money I owe on my student loans... now that's sick!"

'Objection, Your Honor...council is badgering the witness.'

"I charge by the grain."

Sports Lawyers

'Our firm's speciality is getting hands out of cookie jars.'

"Never lie to your attorney, Brad. If any lies need to be told I'll tell them."

All-Purpose attorney has all his specialisation running away from him

Leonard L. Lipchitz: Sending the Law since 1972

"I've only just started practicing. I'm hoping the proceeds from these first few sessions will pay for a couch."

'If at first you don't succeed...appeal to a higher court.'

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

'Trust me, I've forgotten more about the law than this old fool of a judge has ever known.'

"I'm ready. Are you ready? Let the billing begin!"

"I always find the Contract Attorney's Special amusing. The price is always in extremely fine print."

"I think I've lost a step with age. Instead of suing I usually just wind up counter suing."