Starting A New Job In Mental Health Gifts

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

'Look, you can only do so much!'

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

Welcome to the Team

"Postwar is hell."

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"The Langmore Regional High School Inner Debate Team"

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Window Treatment

Sigmund Freud.

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

Fighting the Pandemic

"I scream! You scream! I can't stop the screaming!"

"All my symptoms are old ... "

Banana Split Personality

X-ray Psychology.

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

"You left your demons here last week."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

'At Tesmer holdings, we don't break the rules! We change them!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'If you don't chill out, you are definitely heading for a meltdown...!'