Starter Critics Gifts

"He feels the honey-citrus glaze overpowers the plum."

The wonderful world of cheese.

Crap from the future.

My brilliant career

"You were right. Building an online business empire is even more fun than playing games."

Preliminary Price Tag: $5,000,000,000

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

'Here's your lemonade and here's some descriptive literature about my franchising opportunities.'

"We're having a lot of trouble with this model, sir - it's lasting indefinitely."

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

'It's been going on for three years. When can we tell Scott it's really a shredder?'

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

'We hope to invest in a few start-ups with national franchise potential.'

"Of course you couldn't be replaced by an app. It would take at least two."

When technology goes too far #2. The wireless yo-yo. q

'Sorry...I don't do hugs!'

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

The Doorknob

"Honest, J.B., I don't think that little girl's lemonade stand on Cerritos Street will hurt our business!"

False starts.

'If this is a democracy, how come voters don't get matching funds?'

"We're a startup. We're looking for someone who can yank this cord."

Cupid Co. Valentine's Day Special Offer. For centuries Cupid had a monopoly in the falling in love business. But dating apps were making him obsolete. So he formed a company combining his matchmaking knowledge with online marketing techniques. Perhaps the biggest factor in the enormous success of Cupid Co. is the no questions asked return policy when a customer thinks an item is not as advertised.

The boss said he could never replace me with a computer? That's right --- because computers sometimes experience power surges.

'Seven companies in three years.'

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

"Damn it, Eddie, you told me this script was stupid."

Mobsourcing

Quite the entrepreneur...

Akme Mannequin Factory

'Because you're not a boy genius with a billion bucks - THAT's why you can't wear a hoodie to work.'