Wall Critic Gifts

"It was all we could afford in the end."

Trump's Other Wall

Preliminary Price Tag: $5,000,000,000

You're my Mona Lisa.

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Reading my Critics

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Well....I could've done this!"

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Use your imagination.

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

Cat with Nine Still Lives

'Projectile painting.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

Convenience.