Starlight Joker Gifts

'Which one's Ringo?'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Get crazy once in a while

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"Is it true Dad...is the Earth really made of bleu cheese?"

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

'Boy, does this ever shoot holes in the old Big Bang Theory!'

'Can you believe it? - The doofus doesn't know whether this is the Alpha Quadrant or not!'

Santa's Helpers

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

'Did you check the glove compartment? -- maybe you left the keys in there.'

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

Pole Star

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

I clawed my way to the top and all they gave me at the end was a manicure.

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

Astronaut sees cell tower on the moon.

'How do I know if you've been naughty or nice? CCTV!!'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"Those are the sickos that made a film of Zorg's autopsy!"

Toilet humour

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

Climbing to the moon

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

"If you wear these caps backwards, they keep the sun out of your eyes."