Starlight Joker Pillows

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Get crazy once in a while

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"Is it true Dad...is the Earth really made of bleu cheese?"

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

'Boy, does this ever shoot holes in the old Big Bang Theory!'

Pole Star

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

'Can you believe it? - The doofus doesn't know whether this is the Alpha Quadrant or not!'

Santa's Helpers

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

'Did you check the glove compartment? -- maybe you left the keys in there.'

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Astronaut sees cell tower on the moon.

I clawed my way to the top and all they gave me at the end was a manicure.

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

'How do I know if you've been naughty or nice? CCTV!!'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

"Dad, if there's a plot to the universe, can you see any spoilers?"

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"If you wear these caps backwards, they keep the sun out of your eyes."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"Those are the sickos that made a film of Zorg's autopsy!"

Toilet humour