Stare Specialist Gifts

"Doesn't this state have a law against sitting in a pickup bed while casting a baleful stare?"

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

'Before we get started, let's go around the table and practice making eye contact.'

'The guy in the scarecrow shop promised me that nothing scares crows better than the 'Giant Fox XR50'.'

'No need to shout.'

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

'I'd say your vision is being affected by an arrow through your head, but perhaps you'd like to get a second opinion from an eye specialist.'

'Take a picture...it'll last longer.'

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

“He runs the top Virtual Reality company in the world. In fact, that’s not really him.”

"Your problem isn't the prescription."

"Double vision! Are you sure?"

Optician: 'I can't seem to switch off.'

"Your main problem is that instead of a set of complex organs composed of specialized sensory cells and sophisticated nerve structures, you've got two pieces of coal."

'Didn't I tell you to take up some hobby other than opera?'

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

"You're hearing is fine. It's the noise-canceling headphones that are the problem."

Bird watching in Bolivia

Here's your problem. You have an iPod.

"So I tell the ophthalmologist my eyes have been really sensitive to light lately and what's he do? He shines bright lights right in them!"

Ear specialist uses sign to communicate with hearing impaired patient.

Dr. BR Smith Optician.

"Well, Mr. Swanson, I don't know that I can help you improve your standing in your focus group, but I can definitely check out your visual focus."

"You know that theory....that we're all part of a giant computer program?..."

"You just blinked — I saw you blink first. OK, again. Ready? Go!"

"Since you're a lawyer, it will be a bar exam."

"I'm a hearing-ear dog."

Don't worry Sir, being colour-blind is not much of a problem around here...

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

"I'm just going to give myself a mild sedative before I examine you."

Have you been undressing me with your eyes? It's okay, I'm a doctor

People talking through a stethoscope.

Eye clinic

The Seeing-Eye Squirrel