Star-studded Parent Gifts

"Remember, Kimberly, I'm more than your agent. I'm your mother."

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

The No No No's

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

The Yummiest Mummy in the Village

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"Should we keep the receipt in case of returns."

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

"No, my mom isn't hosing us down with water to keep us cool. She's hosing us down with sunscreen to keep us from burning."

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

"I can always tell when the kids go back to school. Everyone is so happy and relaxed."

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

Baby Brunhilde

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

'I take from this flood of faxes that your son is in art class.'

'This buggy gets only about one mile per gal.'

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

"Quick mommy, call Sothebys."

Igloo Art.

'Are you the proud parents of our (drumming contest) winner?'

'Dad a dachshund is really half a dog high and two dog long...'

"Look what I found in the garage! My old music speakers!"

'The doctor is ready to see you, Teddy...Bring your handler!'

'I painted the very same picture when I was in second grade and didn't even get a 'D'!'

Mobile Phone Mobile.

"I know at least two people who will sleep easier with him behind bars."