Star Sign Selector Gifts

'I'd like to see you again, but our signs aren't compatible. I'm a Gemini and you're an idiot.'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

Ill next Thursday

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

". . . and in the corner to my right, weighing 217 pounds, fighting as a Capricorn with Capricorn rising and Mars conjunct Uranus in the fifth, out of Beaufort, South Carolinaaa. . ."

'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'

'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

Horoscope: Sagittarius. You could visualize the results of some of your plans when the perfect partner comes to your aid.

"Wow! I bet you're a Pisces or Aquarius!"

Joan was a true believer in Astrology. However, this was the first time she had come face to face with a real member of the Zodiac... a giant scorpio!

'True, the Ezra Yomp Scholarship is very generous, but you have to be a capricorn to apply.'

'...and according to our star signs we're perfectly matched!'

"Her Taurus was in opposition to my Libra."

'And our star signs are perfectly compatible!'

'Capricorns have all the luck.'

What star sign are you, let me guess...libra?

"And if I move Mercury over here, all the Libras go nuts."

"So, you're certain that it will be okay for me to travel during December ... "

Pisces

Gemini/people

Mercury rising.

'Here's your problem. The software was manufactured in November and your computer was manufactured in February. Sagittarius is incompatible with Aquarius.'

'That's cute. You're a Virgo and I'm a vegetarian.'

'I'll need to run a few tests and find out what your horoscope says.'

'Far out! How did you pick me as a leo?'

'The princes from the fairy tales may prefer virgins but hey, Geminis are pretty nice, too'