Star Signs Gifts

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

Pisces/fish

". . . and in the corner to my right, weighing 217 pounds, fighting as a Capricorn with Capricorn rising and Mars conjunct Uranus in the fifth, out of Beaufort, South Carolinaaa. . ."

Cat Horoscopes: 'You will spend the day curled up on the comfy chair. In the evening expect a treat from your owner for being so good.'

"I was actually born in September, but I identify as a Pisces."

Sagittarius/archer

Scorpio/scorpion

Leo/lion

Mercury rising.

Gemini/people

Know your future horoscope: "The damn weather satellites are raising hell with your chart!"

Pisces

"And if I move Mercury over here, all the Libras go nuts."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

Ill next Thursday

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'

Man convinced by a flattering character sketch

Horoscope: Sagittarius. You could visualize the results of some of your plans when the perfect partner comes to your aid.

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

'...and according to our star signs we're perfectly matched!'

"Her Taurus was in opposition to my Libra."

'And our star signs are perfectly compatible!'

'True, the Ezra Yomp Scholarship is very generous, but you have to be a capricorn to apply.'

Joan was a true believer in Astrology. However, this was the first time she had come face to face with a real member of the Zodiac... a giant scorpio!

"Wow! I bet you're a Pisces or Aquarius!"

What star sign are you, let me guess...libra?

'Capricorns have all the luck.'