Star Sign Fanatic Gifts

Joan was a true believer in Astrology. However, this was the first time she had come face to face with a real member of the Zodiac... a giant scorpio!

'Here's your problem. The software was manufactured in November and your computer was manufactured in February. Sagittarius is incompatible with Aquarius.'

Ill next Thursday

"... What sign was I born under? ... A big one which read, 'Maternity Unit'."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'Stop staring at my wife.'

'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'

Man convinced by a flattering character sketch

". . . and in the corner to my right, weighing 217 pounds, fighting as a Capricorn with Capricorn rising and Mars conjunct Uranus in the fifth, out of Beaufort, South Carolinaaa. . ."

'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

Horoscope: Sagittarius. You could visualize the results of some of your plans when the perfect partner comes to your aid.

'True, the Ezra Yomp Scholarship is very generous, but you have to be a capricorn to apply.'

'And our star signs are perfectly compatible!'

"Wow! I bet you're a Pisces or Aquarius!"

'...and according to our star signs we're perfectly matched!'

"Her Taurus was in opposition to my Libra."

'Capricorns have all the luck.'

Bear sleeping in a cave.

Mercury rising.

Gemini/people

"So, you're certain that it will be okay for me to travel during December ... "

'That's cute. You're a Virgo and I'm a vegetarian.'

Pisces

"And if I move Mercury over here, all the Libras go nuts."

"Paul turn off your flashlight. There's a real interesting star cluster I'm trying to get a picture of."

'I'll need to run a few tests and find out what your horoscope says.'