Star Sign Advocates Pillows

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'So who's smoking?'

Ill next Thursday

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

Man convinced by a flattering character sketch

". . . and in the corner to my right, weighing 217 pounds, fighting as a Capricorn with Capricorn rising and Mars conjunct Uranus in the fifth, out of Beaufort, South Carolinaaa. . ."

Slow, merge left, resume speed, stop, stay, sit, roll over, good boy!

'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'

'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'

Horoscope: Sagittarius. You could visualize the results of some of your plans when the perfect partner comes to your aid.

Joan was a true believer in Astrology. However, this was the first time she had come face to face with a real member of the Zodiac... a giant scorpio!

"Her Taurus was in opposition to my Libra."

'True, the Ezra Yomp Scholarship is very generous, but you have to be a capricorn to apply.'

'And our star signs are perfectly compatible!'

'...and according to our star signs we're perfectly matched!'

"Wow! I bet you're a Pisces or Aquarius!"

'Capricorns have all the luck.'

'I'll need to run a few tests and find out what your horoscope says.'

Mercury rising.

Gemini/people

You must be this tall to bump head on sign.

Pisces

"And if I move Mercury over here, all the Libras go nuts."

"So, you're certain that it will be okay for me to travel during December ... "

'That's cute. You're a Virgo and I'm a vegetarian.'

'Here's your problem. The software was manufactured in November and your computer was manufactured in February. Sagittarius is incompatible with Aquarius.'

'Far out! How did you pick me as a leo?'