Star Collectors T-Shirts

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"Do you buy cars here?"

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'God's speed.'

Lovers

Santa's wash day.

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

'An this good luck charm is to commemorate when our turtle ran away. He's the one who took Jim's pinkie.'

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

"Too much club."

James May

Acme Flyswatters.

'But, honey, the girl in the bikini only adds to the awesomeness of my car.'

Orthopaedist

"There it is...the car of my dreams! It's the perfect match! The seat...the steering wheel...they just call my name! I'm not leaving here without it!"

"...and it comes with sat-nav, which as you can see the previous owner used all the time."

Hip hop Santa.

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

'I want one that says 'get lost' but includes a pocket compass.'

"Do you have anything smaller?"

No Carrot Sign (like the old 'no radio' signs).

It says, "In lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to the automaker of your choice." Invite!

Driverless tow truck.

'Built in obsolescence: Mini with a wind up gramophone.'

Groucho Glasses Eye Test

"Got any new monster trucks?"

"It was basically $10,000 per cup holder."

'So do you want one with an accelerator, or one with brakes?'

"I decided to invest in precious metals - I bought a new car."

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

"Look at the inventory! The overhead is killing me! And you're haggling over the price of floor mats!"