Stand-up Superfan Gifts

Bill Bailey

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

The Rooster Comedian.

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

Applause

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

At the primate speech center, Mokobo tries some stand-up comedy...

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"Am I sensing fear?"

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Canine Comedians

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

Jokes machine.

No, they're not divorced --- She said that's her "ox-husband."

Stephen Fry

It's nothing to worry about - many kids his age have trouble with the letter S.

'Peanuts, popcorn, steroids!'

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

Love.

"Dear, there's someone here to collect your soul."

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

Optometrist Humor

Biographies. Don Rickles for Dummies

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"They'd sold out of #1's."

'I haven't been feeling funny lately doctor.'

Michael McIntyre.

"Chills, Randy. I feel chills. And I can't move." "And I can't remember the last time my palms were this sweaty." "This must've been what people felt like when they heard the Allies were finally invading Normandy on D-Day." "No way any movie can live up to this hype." "Wolverine day is almost upon us." "We are about to embark upon the great crusade..."