Stand-up Scientist Gifts

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

Albert Einstein

'Teenagers!'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

She loves to play with string theory.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

When bacteria trash talk to antibodies. Oh yeah?! You and what course of antibiotics?!

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."

PET THEORIES

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

Cell Bar & Grill. Happy Hour All Day. The new owner is an endorphin.

How Glaciations Begin

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

"And what qualifications do you bring to the table beyond being first in line?"

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

The new Physics

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

Evolution...the wifi rhino.

Evolving/Devolving

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!