Science Stand-up Gifts

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

She loves to play with string theory.

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

The Origins of Everything

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

How Glaciations Begin

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

'I wonder how Curious George fits into all this?'

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

"And what qualifications do you bring to the table beyond being first in line?"

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

The new Physics

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

Evolving/Devolving

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

Evolution...the wifi rhino.

'Interesting article in Nature this week - apparently love's not a wave, it's a particle.'