Stand-up Savant Prints

Comedy Club. Military Open Mic Night. Some of those performers failed. The pilot didn't get a single laugh. The Air Force bomber! And the enlisted man was tasteless. Private first class! The Green Beret totally flubbed his lines, but the Navy Seal did some great slapstick. Special ops and special farces! I think the boot camp instructor was the best of the night. He was very witty and whimsical. The Marine droll sergeant!

"I'm the owner of Happy Pappy's comedy club. Here's my card. Call me."

Cancel Culture and Stand-Up Comedy

Extinction of the dinosaurs fully explained

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'It's cheaper than gas.'

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

Binge Watch

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

Pyramid builders make the Statue of Liberty.

"You've tested positive for being awesome. Just kidding - it was negative."

Johnson allows the Delta variant to run wild in Britain

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

"It's not carrots but the love of carrots that's the root of all evil."

Failure is no an option: "I'd now like to speak on the topic of government bailouts!"

Trawling for Fish.

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

The breakup

"I'll now take some rambling, nonsensical statements from the audience."

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

'Prolonged sitting leads to death? What's up with that?'

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

'Marketing reports they're fooled all of the people all of the time.'

Office of the PR of the United States

Ted Rall Hired by Pando. Thoughts?

Tarzan mobile phone

"Rumours of a crisis in the NHS are groundless...Spending is up by 2%, management ratios down by 62%..."

Let's tell the folks in the Garlic Belt there's no budget for steps 2 and 3.

The Music Lover.

'We need to change our marketing strategy.'

'I might even change my views on genetics research if scientists could genetically engineer supreme court appointees!'

Bob Monkhouse