Stand-up Economists Gifts

"This is the amount you have to pay Casanova. This is NOT my phone number."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."

Standard & Poor

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

Trickledown economics

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

Office of economic forecasting.

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'We buy and sell them.'

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

'It's the NEW Chinese Stock Market Report.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

First Market Decline

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'Someday, Son, all of this will be yo....!'

"That man's a legend in this office. He has 100% accuracy in predicting the past."

Investments: Still Open to New Investors - 'A fool & his money fund.'

Grand Opening and Closing Down Sale simultaneously occurring.

Government Handouts.

Thanks to his stocks, Bob now lives in the middle of a great green garden outside the crowded city.

"These days, many people can only afford to drink from home."

Office of Management & Budget. Now hiring: crowdfunding expert to reduce the U.S. budget deficit.

European Union Economic Crisis Conference. I can handle the long hours of these meetings. The piles of tables, charts and graphs don't bother me. I can even tolerate the contentious debates. But there's only one thing I can't take anymore ... I've never heard so many "What's a Grecian earn?" jokes in my life!

"Since it cost as much as our house, can we take out a mortgage instead of a loan?"