Economy Comedian Gifts

In the current economy, I'm afraid I'm going to have to reduce the size of your allowance, Axel. You haven't given me any money in eons. I meant the size of your IOUs.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

Yes, they are all dependants."

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

Trickledown economics

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

Office of economic forecasting.

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"

'We buy and sell them.'

'I thought up the term 'too big to fail'. So where's my bonus?'

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

'It's the NEW Chinese Stock Market Report.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

'Someday, Son, all of this will be yo....!'

Government Handouts.

TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

Grand Opening and Closing Down Sale simultaneously occurring.

Inflating assets to get a loan. Too poor to pay taxes

"That man's a legend in this office. He has 100% accuracy in predicting the past."

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'Slaug-ter house? I wonder what that is. C'mon, I'll race you!'

Investments: Still Open to New Investors - 'A fool & his money fund.'