Stagecoach Driver Gifts

... then a rattlesnake popped up and spooked the horses. They started running uncontrollably! We were speeding toward the canyon rim and just about to plunge thousands of feet when I yanked on the reins and loudly yelled a command to the horses! We stopped with only inches to spare! There goes Ernie again -- telling his tale of "whoa!"

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Theatre Masks and Butts

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

"Toi Toi Toi!"

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"When I grow up, I don�t know whether to be a stunt amn or a train driver"

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"A glimpse into a cartoon character's dressing room..."

Knickerless Cage.

Broadway Theater coming productions. Look, they're bringing back a production of "Hair" with all the original cast members. It's going to be called "Bald".

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

I Pagliacci

Broadway Moosical.

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

"You can't beat the smell of the greasepaint..."

Stabbing an opera singer to hit the high notes.

Performance In The Bedroom

Theatre masks

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

The Costumer Is Always Right

'People are staring at us because they've never seen private box seats at an off broadway theatre before.'

This little pig's house was a facade.

Someday

'Oh No! Reality theatre.'