Stagecoach Driver Gifts

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Theatre Masks and Butts

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

"Toi Toi Toi!"

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"When I grow up, I don�t know whether to be a stunt amn or a train driver"

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"A glimpse into a cartoon character's dressing room..."

Broadway Moosical.

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

"You can't beat the smell of the greasepaint..."

I Pagliacci

Stabbing an opera singer to hit the high notes.

This little pig's house was a facade.

Theatre masks

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

Performance In The Bedroom

'People are staring at us because they've never seen private box seats at an off broadway theatre before.'

The Costumer Is Always Right

'Oh No! Reality theatre.'

"Tonight the part normally played by the audience will be played by actors playing the part of the audience."