Stage Swinger Gifts

'They all want to play the star.'

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

I think you're ace

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

"Does my bum look big in this aria?"

Woman crying with happiness.

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Mensa Does Improv

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

Waving from Behind the Curtain

Take a bow!

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'I'm a star!'

The Amateur Golfer

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

'We had to donwsize.'

Chekov play and scorecard,

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

'Where's my horse?'

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

TV stage door

"My first love is the theatre, of course, but you're right up there."

"Happy Birthday - I saw this and thought of you."

'I saw an offbeat play the other night. No one took off their clothes.'

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

Performance In The Bedroom

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'