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David Bowie Superfan

'So, did I get the job?'

Konstantin Stanislavski.

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Taking a peek at the audience

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Ladies

"Does my bum look big in this aria?"

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Tina Turner

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Magic Tricks

Mensa Does Improv

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Midsummer Night's Dream

Music Hall Dancers

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

'I'm sure I could lie on my back waving my feet in the air if I could play the saxophone.'

"I got the part, but I play a waiter."

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'