Stage Crew T-Shirts

'Is there a spotlight operator in the house?'

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Just be yourself."

'They all want to play the star.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Cut!

Theatre Masks and Butts

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

Falstaff

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"Toi Toi Toi!"

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

Woman crying with happiness.

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

Stephen Fry

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

Local News in Heaven

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"A glimpse into a cartoon character's dressing room..."

Knickerless Cage.

Waving from Behind the Curtain

'I'm a star!'

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

Hollywood producer.

Broadway Theater coming productions. Look, they're bringing back a production of "Hair" with all the original cast members. It's going to be called "Bald".

I Pagliacci