Stage T-Shirts

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Actors' dispute.

"There's a big difference between being a method actor and a meth OD'd actor, Burt."

"Just be yourself."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'They all want to play the star.'

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Modern Major General

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Taking a peek at the audience

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Jack Gleeson

Theatre Crowd

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Scarpia from Tosca

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Karataoke

Freddie Mercury

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Ladies

Eric Clapton.

Come on! They're posting the spring musical. I can't wait! I want a romantic part! With and elegant gown. Good luck with that! We're doing "Cats."

Stephen Fry

Woman crying with happiness.

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

Tina Turner

Magic Tricks

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Spiro & Pusho illusionists