Stage T-Shirts

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Actors' dispute.

"There's a big difference between being a method actor and a meth OD'd actor, Burt."

"Just be yourself."

'They all want to play the star.'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Taking a peek at the audience

Modern Major General

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Scarpia from Tosca

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Theatre Crowd

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

Ladies

Woman crying with happiness.

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Tina Turner

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Magic Tricks

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists