Staff Shortage Struggles Gifts

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'These are job perks.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Busy office.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

The role of administration.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Brainstorm in progress.

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

"Your job is to build an app that replaces you."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Sales.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

Getting through the week.

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

"I'm glad you felt able to get that off your chest...now could we discuss next year's targets?"

Around here it got a little tricky...