Staff Room Regular Gifts

Insert 50 cents for absolutely nothing.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'These are job perks.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Rump roast?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

I wish I'd had the review.

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"And would you like flies with that?"

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Prawn Cocktail Please

Targets.

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'