Stadium Screamer Pillows

"This is a great place for someone with Tourette's - you come here, you're just like everyone else."

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

"Why do footballers never shake a fist when they miss?"

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

A man cheers

Beer Order

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

“Look! We’re on the naked cam!”

"I'm thinking that now is a good time to start those tutoring sessions."

'It is now safe to kick and swear at your computer'

Arch of Triumph Save

Fan-Centric Stadium

Rock & Roll

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

'Since our stadium was built with taxpayer support, I regret to inform you that all incentive and signing bonuses must be returned.'

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

'These things always taste better at the ballpark.'

'I hired a local guide. He knows every square inch of this stadium...'

"There's nothing like ballpark sushi."

What are the chances?

'Hey! This isn't a sold-out crowd! It's just a bunch of cartoon humps symbolizing a sold-out crowd!'

'Everything else was sold out. Stop whining about the end zone seats.'

"Your husband has been diagnosed with 'football fever.' It's a common illness this time of year."

The fifty metre hurdles.One of the hardest events in athletics.

"He lost his Season Ticket."

Warranty Void

'Leftovers...! Leftovers!'

Football today

"It's always, 'hey God, thank for the win! It's never, 'hey God, need tickets?"

"Look, I'm really having trouble with my computer. I need it to work and I need it now...and your fancy schmancy jargon isn't helping much."

MLB Teams Capatalize on Longer Games Caused by Appeals.

'We lost everything - hot dogs, popcorn, game programs, an order of nachos. Got out of our seats with just the clothes on our backs, but we're both OK, and that's what matters most.'

Football