Staccato Specialist Gifts

'All right Billy, until your 'staccato' touch improves, we'll be having our piano lessons here at the stove.'

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

Poetry repairman

Sergey Rahmaninov

'Colourful scenes in central London as the annual pedants' pride parade makes it way into Hyde park.'

"Hibernate sounds better than binge watch."

'Didn't I tell you to take up some hobby other than opera?'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

"You're dragging the beat."

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

'Now cover the other eye & read the same line.'

Spider harpist.

Alexander Blok

Magnifying glass on Oculist's sign.

'You only caught one?'

"I had writer's block for a decade and couldn't make any progress on my novel. The creative process was at a standstill, although there was some consolation in churning out three Grammy winning jazz albums."

Henry proudly models his new goggles that prevent him from losing a contact lens.

Harpist

'With experience, you'll be able to identify, from a long way away, the subtle sound of a can opener...'

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

"The moment you walked through that door, I could tell you needed glasses."

"Last week I spent thousands replacing every window in our house...then I discovered a crack in my glasses..."

"And now, our motivational squeaker."

Smoke signal with semi-colon

"I don't know...maybe I can make a living as an artist. I can draw all kinds of stuff!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but I just can't help mindlessly humming the corn ball tunes I pick up from the elevator."

'A shoddy piece of work.'