Squeak Stopper T-Shirts

"These door hinges squeak."

Woman crying with happiness.

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

"It's not so much the chewing that offends me, it's the mocking of our voices."

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

'Mind if I wear it to the door? I want to test audience reaction.'

I didn't dress this way to go unnoticed

"Tonight's performance has been canceled, because the star of our show has decided that musicals are stupid."

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

"It took years of vocal training, but I now have a vocal range from squeaky right down to tenor..."

"This is supposed to be the clean room so we'll give it an additional five minutes."

'I like the soothing squeaking of the dessert cart wheels better than any background music.'

"...and this is Sheila. She's my main squeeze."

Mic Drop

"There's that squeak again."

Squeaker Trophies

Mic drop

"I'm getting really tired of this cancel culture."

Sir, bad news. I don't like getting bad news. A new radio program called Ask Sadie is getting huge ratings. Do I own it? That's the bad news. I see. Time to buy Ask Sadie. Queue sinister music. Can you guess?

Sign on the door of an Allergy Ward in a hospital says: NO scratch and sniff get well cards

'That's not the sort of request I meant, Madam, and anyway it's physically impossible!'

Gps to advise on 'lifestyle' issues

'I want some shoes that squeak.'

'Hurry it up, will you? We're on in five minutes!'

"People are always discriminating against my dad. At work, people say, 'clean up that spill' and 'get under the sink.'"

"Sorry, but the will clearly stipulates that Rex gets the vintage squeaky-toy collection..."

'My ringtone is a real attention getter. It sounds like a squeaky toy.'

Maynard inadvertently goes phishing.

'Didn't your doctor tell you that you're not supposed to light the nicotine patches?'

Locker room: the scent.

"They still had so much TV ahead of them."

Ernie is producing a new TV show! Contestant musicians play their national anthem, and judges pick winners in various categories. Some of the anthems we'll hear on the next show are "O Canada" from Canada ... "Jana Gana Mana" from India ... "Meda Dau Doka" from Fiji ... "Patria Amada" from Mozambique ... and "God Save the Queen" from the United Kingdom! Ernie, I think your show is very good ... but you create some confusion by calling it "The Country Music Awards."

"And now, our motivational squeaker."