Squeak Maestro Gifts

"It took years of vocal training, but I now have a vocal range from squeaky right down to tenor..."

Orchestra.

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

You're arrogant, aloof and spoiled...but I mean that in the nicest way.

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

Children playing in the street

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

"Holy hell. I should not have based my whole personality around this..."

"... and come out fighting, boys."

Two men discussing thier moustaches

Before you feed him/After you feed him.

"It's garage music."

'Mess with me if you have to, son, but not with the regimental moustache!'

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

Just Stop Oil Painting

"Let's see him get out of this sonata."

'He uses rim shots instead of banging on his gavel.'

"Meow!"

How to wear a false moustache.

'I like the soothing squeaking of the dessert cart wheels better than any background music.'

"There's that squeak again."

"Because of your age, I'm going to recommend doing nothing."

'Cats make the best mousetraps.'

Hipster Ventriloquist Convention

'You say it's milk, oh, oh, I must have hooked up the wrong pipes.'

Cat DNA is decoded.

A bulge of bodybuilders

'A table for four please - she has an imaginary friend.'

'Looks like the band and the sound technician had a difference of opinion again during a sound check.'

'I want some shoes that squeak.'

The DJ

'This bloke is good.' - 'He's even better when he takes his cue out of it's case.'

Movember: 'Te he he. This is so cool.'