Spread Strategist Gifts

"The Toast Whisperer"

The sword in the all-natural impossible-to-stir peanut butter.

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"I hate performance review season."

Will work for ETFs

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

The First Annual Game Show Week.

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

World Economic Crisis.

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"He'll do anything to say in power."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!