Sporty Sleuth T-Shirts

Unusual Sports: Shooting Skiers

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Eco-Anxiety For All Seasons

$1: Family Secrets

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

The Modern Godot

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

"Light at the end of the tunnel!"

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

'This assignment calls for a chicken.'

'And what if I did doctor the documents? I'm a doctor.'

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

'Remember, all these security cameras are for YOUR protection...otherwise, I'd come over there and smack you.'

I don't trust that guy.

"This was no accident, Sarge! He was intentionally DROPPED!"

'Oh dear. My husband looks suspicious.'

'Wow, Professor Jones, that's an impressive back-of-the-envelope calculation!'

"I hear this place is a hotbed of international pancakes."

F.B.I. An equal opportunity phone tapper without regard to race, sex, or national origin.

Auditing

"We haven't been able to pick up his trail. We think he's using invisible ink."

'It looks fishy to me.'

"So what can you tell us about this escaped master of disguise, John?"

"After I had my eyes lasered, the people down there stopped looking like ants. Plump, furry and delicious little rodents, yes, but not ants!"

'You haven't confirmed the Superstring theory, Blumenkraft - this is a whisker from your beard!'

Policeman on the internet looking for suspect.

Six Degrees of Depradation

"You may not like what I've dug out, but you did ask me to snoop into your husband!"

'- but I didn't think it meant a two-made-into one-suit, dammit!'

"People are scum."

Julian Assange