Sports Stat Buff Pillows

'Oh, I hate sport too, but I just love reading the statistics...'

Golfing Boss

Bowled over again!

'Does sports trivia count as something I learned today?'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

Vendor selling testosterone.

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

Graph to find your IQ

'Will that be coach?'

"Dear, there's someone here to collect your soul."

-I think I've caught a cold -It's the only thing you've caught all day!

Kick! Go for it!

'Going 'cold turkey' might be dangerous...I'd wean him off by letting him watch world cup re-runs....'

Arch of Triumph Save

'... Yeah, now I'm starting to feel it, too. ... Sort of a tightness in my neck...'

"It was one of the things they kept after selling the ski resort."

Man thinking about playing football and a convertible car

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

'And once again it's ended in a tie.'

'Personal Fowl, number 83...'

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

'...Splints. Tape. Ice pack. Bandages....Wait! Here it is - spare brain.'

'It's a clear case of shepherding!'

"Want to come over Sunday, watch the game, and help me start dreading Monday?"

'Lenny NEVER had any problems with cramped seats at football games - like most people do.'

'You're looking at suspension, but on the plus side your baseball card will go sky high.'

'What's he on?'

"I thought they decided who was the best team last year?"

"He left behind a wife, three kids, and the number one rated fantasy football quarterback."

Influences.

End of career sale.

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

'Yo, Sid! Go get sheared. We're skins.'