Sports Stats Enthusiast Pillows

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Footballer and Bacteria.

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

He had finally calculated that the Cubs would win the Series.

'A ground ball to deep short, handled beautifully by Santana...'

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

The statistician marrying the probability expert...

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

Meet Larry; tenor, baritone, philosopher, social commentator, sport analyst, political expert, relationship expert … and A+ certified plumber.

More Fifa officials indicted over bribery scandal

"He left behind a wife, three kids, and the number one rated fantasy football quarterback."

The Stat family

"According to the statistics more people look at cricket statistics then watch the game."

"Matsuzaka has an ERA of 3.88, yet Francona’s starting Schilling. Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive to you?"

Pitching guidelines

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

'He's okay otherwise, but I get sick and tired of hearing about his lifetime batting average of .325.'

"How do you respond to critics who say you only play the backcourt?"

Man confusing man using statistics.

'I'm sure that last ball was lbw.'

F&E CPAs. There's about a month until taxes are due. I like our new business doing the tax returns for athletes. The tennis player is over the net income target he set. Capitol gains were earned by the Washington Nationals baseball player. What about the hockey player who only scores goals on deflections? Let's call it "tip income"! And the speed eater who consumes dozens of hot dogs in minutes? Well, that's "really gross income."

"Here we e-go, here we e-go, here we e-go!"

"He's having a terrific year - four dinosaurs, three brontosaurs, and five tyrannosaurs so far."

'Oh, I hate sport too, but I just love reading the statistics...'