Sports Stats Enthusiast Pillows

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Footballer and Bacteria.

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

'A ground ball to deep short, handled beautifully by Santana...'

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

The statistician marrying the probability expert...

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

Meet Larry; tenor, baritone, philosopher, social commentator, sport analyst, political expert, relationship expert … and A+ certified plumber.

"He left behind a wife, three kids, and the number one rated fantasy football quarterback."

The Stat family

"Matsuzaka has an ERA of 3.88, yet Francona’s starting Schilling. Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive to you?"

Pitching guidelines

"How do you respond to critics who say you only play the backcourt?"

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

"According to the statistics more people look at cricket statistics then watch the game."

'He's okay otherwise, but I get sick and tired of hearing about his lifetime batting average of .325.'

Man confusing man using statistics.

'He's tiring? What happened to round four 'he's ready to go!'?'

"He's having a terrific year - four dinosaurs, three brontosaurs, and five tyrannosaurs so far."

"Here we e-go, here we e-go, here we e-go!"

'I'm sure that last ball was lbw.'

Women's Football

'Oh, I hate sport too, but I just love reading the statistics...'