Sports Satire Fans Gifts

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man! Where have you been? I've been training for going to Grape Britain for the London Summer Olympus! What events are you in? Lots of trap and field ... the high girdles, long chumpg, shot foot, the 100-meter splint ... And I'll top if off with the 26-mile telethon. I expect to muddle in every event! That would be my prediction, too, M-Man.

Nadia discovers the benefits of performance-enhancing thugs.

Donald Trump and NFL

'I know the Fox 40 whistle is good, but this trumpet is better.'

Alternative fielding positions

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Golfers forming the raising the flag on Iwo Jima.

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

Glenn Hoddle

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'

Loser's Podium.

'New rule. From now on you don't just sit in the penalty box. You also get a root canal.'

'It's not your fault, Dewey. Whenever a call doesn't go his way, he goes ballistic.'

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

Why are you dressed like a British lawyer? The term is barrister, but it doesn't surprise me you don't know that. In fact, it helps me make the case I'm here to prove today: That you're a meathead because you suffered concussions playing football. That's ridiculous. Hold on! Let your counsel represent you. I want to be fair. Counsel? Never mind. He seems to have no comment.

"I'm here to ensure there's no hanky-panky with the ball's inflation."

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

Free Speech has heavy price.

'To protect their investments, many baseball owners are hiring bodyguards for their players.'

The Washington Arbitrators

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

"Just to set the record straight, I'm leaving you because you never turn your body to the net, you don't have a smooth swing, and because your forehand, backhand, and volley are inadequate!"

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

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