Sports Parody Lover Gifts

Fantasy football - all players paid minimum wage, have fat ugly wags and drive old bangers.

Alternative fielding positions

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

'Best save I've ever seen.'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

The best goalie in the world!

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

Ok, ok, maybe you guys are right - maybe I do have a concussion.

Pole Vault Rules

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

'We've conducted a chemical analysis of the beef in hot dogs, and we've determined, Mr Ruth, you are guilty of steroid enhancement.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Glenn Hoddle

T-Rex Racing: A Short-Lived Sport

Captain Ahab and Moby Dick in Retirement

'...And Timmy, as usual, will guard goal.'

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

"Listen, I've had 25 fights and won all but 24 of them."

Loser's Podium.

'In this...um...part of the circle...'

'It's not your fault, Dewey. Whenever a call doesn't go his way, he goes ballistic.'

Why are you dressed like a British lawyer? The term is barrister, but it doesn't surprise me you don't know that. In fact, it helps me make the case I'm here to prove today: That you're a meathead because you suffered concussions playing football. That's ridiculous. Hold on! Let your counsel represent you. I want to be fair. Counsel? Never mind. He seems to have no comment.

'Relax, teamwork always leads to a slam dunk.'

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."