Sports Parody Lover Pillows

Fantasy football - all players paid minimum wage, have fat ugly wags and drive old bangers.

Alternative fielding positions

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

'Best save I've ever seen.'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

The best goalie in the world!

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"Listen, I've had 25 fights and won all but 24 of them."

Captain Ahab and Moby Dick in Retirement

'...And Timmy, as usual, will guard goal.'

T-Rex Racing: A Short-Lived Sport

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

Loser's Podium.

'It's not your fault, Dewey. Whenever a call doesn't go his way, he goes ballistic.'

'In this...um...part of the circle...'

The Washington Arbitrators

'Relax, teamwork always leads to a slam dunk.'

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

Foam finger gets stuck up a foam nose.

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."