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No Baseball

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

UK border controls relaxed.

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Football Chameleon

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

Meet the Enemy

Monica Seles

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

A married couple share the same pole vault.

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

"How should we divide the teams?"

Ratminton

Gary turns 40.