Sports News Enthusiast Pillows

No Baseball

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

UK border controls relaxed.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

If nobody had invented graphics

Football Chameleon

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Meet the Enemy

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Gary turns 40.

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

A married couple share the same pole vault.

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"How should we divide the teams?"

Ratminton

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."