Sports Narrating Enthusiast Pillows

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

For the Wilsons, Gold Medalists Los Angeles '84, bathtime was always a ritual.

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Footballer kicking his own brain.

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'I'd do better if I knew all the words you know!'

"Your Honor, I have a rebuttal witness."

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

"...and how do you feel about being labelled the new Great British hope?"

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

'That time of year, eh Ben, don't know whether to go hunting or fishing?'

Free Speech has heavy price.

"Holly and Michael were growing envious of their son's imaginary friend… Rickey and me are going to the Knicks game with Bruce Springsteen!"

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

"Just to set the record straight, I'm leaving you because you never turn your body to the net, you don't have a smooth swing, and because your forehand, backhand, and volley are inadequate!"

Organically Grown Athlete - Guaranteed free of chemicals.

'Reckless Rick has already lost three matches this year, but rumor has it that he's looking for a new writer...'

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

Extreme Bowling.

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

"I must have hit 20 home runs!"

'Well, here's your answer, Schluman. How can I possible promote you to district sales manager if you can't even palm a basketball?'

"The match fixers are making it a bit obvious."

"It's not a riot, Dear. It's a football game."