Sports Metaphor Fan Gifts

"The doctor said my cholesterol is a par, and my blood pressure is a birdie. I don't golf, so I still don't know if I'm healthy."

'We need more points in the paint.'

"The only time I step up to the plate is when it's loaded with food."

"Staff support"

Indoor Climbing Centre for Cats.

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Alternative fielding positions

Trojan Hurdler.

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"I run around this high school track every morning."

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

The Harper Plays Cricket.

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

"Destroyers"

"Either accept the pay reduction or you get sent down to the minors."

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

Paradise FC: The Blessed Y The Rest.

'It's not your fault, Dewey. Whenever a call doesn't go his way, he goes ballistic.'

Boxers vs. Briefs

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

Executive Coach: Specializing in sports metaphores.

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

'Good morning, class. I am Mr. Penny and will be your coach today. I expect you to behave - no running and jumping!'

"In this situation, I'd suggest a 5-word sentence with an action verb but hold the exclamation mark."

"I can't see it lasting!"

"I can't help being senior management..."

"It was terrible. It was like a media frenzy."

"That was one strange and confusing competition."

"It's not a sexual thing - I just enjoy dressing up in sheep's clothing."

'When pastors take sports analogies too far...'

'Their offense is shifty and often ruthless. I want you to study the videotapes - especially this one showing their quarterback robbing a convenience store at gunpoint.'