Sports Broadcaster Gifts

'Responding to viewer sentiment, we have eliminated world news and expanded our entertainment and sports news.'

'I remember when you used to look at me like that,'

'Hurry up!'

"When I first heard about the move from CBS to Fox, I was sad, because I figured that was it—it would never be the same. But then I had a revelation—an epiphany, if you will—and I realized that, hey, it will be the same. It will always be the same."

The Pursuit of Free Agents in the Off-Season is too a Sport

Olympics.

If nobody had invented graphics

Sporting World God: And on the seventh day he stitched up the television broadcast rights.

"Tim, it'll be interesting to see if Berkowski is 100% after last week's twerking injury."

Sorry, Mom. I'm hoping to sell exclusive rights to the cable sports channel.

Golf on TV

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

I think you're ace

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."