Sports Presenter Gifts

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

Another reason why people who are married should never co-anchor the news.

Adrian Chiles

Clare Balding

'I agree-Gary Lineker can get up your nose sometimes,but...'

"I think the key to my success is always winning by a nose!"

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

I think you're ace

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

Perils of the double play.

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Vanna White: The Later Years.

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

'You know our track team stinks when our star pole vaulter is better at the limbo.'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."