Sporting Rule Bender Gifts

'We do not tee off in front of the markers. This is my second shot.'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

Eric Clapton.

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

Black hole setting

The ride with the shortest lines at disneyworld...

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

"Back in my day, kids had a little respect for the law of gravity."

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

Boys Cooking

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

Bureau of the Budget. If we serve alphabet soup, we can count it as a lunch program and a literacy program!

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

"In this company, Simmons, we hold our hands steady in the middle and shake our bodies."

Fun on the pyramids

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

"He's a very alternative vicar - he's installed wind chimes.'

'Never shoot straight up.'

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'