Sporting Rule Bender T-Shirts

'We do not tee off in front of the markers. This is my second shot.'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

Black hole setting

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

"Back in my day, kids had a little respect for the law of gravity."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

Boys Cooking

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

"In this company, Simmons, we hold our hands steady in the middle and shake our bodies."

Fun on the pyramids

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

"He's a very alternative vicar - he's installed wind chimes.'

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

'Never shoot straight up.'

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'